“The trick is to leave your heart open, just enough,
to allow those unexpected whispers of happiness to flow in.”
-JS
It was 8pm on a Friday night, I was in the kitchen wearing nothing but my husband’s sweater, watching him make pancakes in his underwear. That moment was so blissfully beautiful I couldn’t stop the smile on my face, not that I wanted to.
Looking from the outside it appears mundane. Just another night spent at home, not out celebrating Valentines Day with fancy clothes and fine dining. No expensive gifts, flowers or chocolates. Yet that simple moment, in our warm home, two old dogs and many years of marriage surrounding us, I was consumed with happiness, drowning in it.
Allowing the moment to swell and stretch my heart, I realized that moment could have slid right by me without a single moment of recognition. I could have been upset I wasn’t out being stuffed with overpriced drinks and mediocre food. I could have missed the blessing of safety our first home had been providing our little family. Looking at my pets I could have seen the gray muzzles and foggy eyes as more reasons to be sad. I could have remembered that last Friday our big dog had to have emergency surgery with those ugly words of “cancer” and “limited time” attached to a moment I’d like to forget. Or, simply notice the empty space at our feet that use to accommodate 3, now only 2.
I choose, in that moment, to see all I had to be grateful for. And, o’ Lordy, was I overwhelmed with gratitude. I was in the middle of an ocean of blessings, yet I could have misconstrued it for a dirty puddle.
How many other moments had I chosen to ignore?
Had I muddied the waters with my fears and insecurities or just been too tired to notice the beauty of my life?
Had I closed off my heart so much that any whisper floated away into the abyss, leaving me looking for that something missing I had swatted away like a pesky fly?
The saying of, the life you focus on is the life you get, rang true in my soul at that moment. Pretty sure that bell had been ringing for a long ass time to be honest. Finally on a quiet night in February, my hearts shell cracked just a tiny bit more, allowing that whisper to get through.
Finally.
The old outdated lens I had been looking through was now replaced with a clear, un blemished glass. Right then I knew that the recent steps I had taken to get there allowed me to see what had been right in front of me all along.
For the last few months, I had been feeling lost, sad, low on gratitude and really just feeling blah in my mind and body. Lately I had been getting too comfortable with cursing the rain drops, instead of seeing the refreshing, life giving moisture I had been provided. Let’s be real here, I could have simply picked up and umbrella and worn my rubber boots to keep dry instead of bitching all day.
Yeah…I had not been doing that and I was sick of being soaked and fucking freezing.
Unfortunately, I had been in this place before, the lonely dark skies were all too familiar to me.
Being overly sensitive to that creeping darkness, I knew I had to change my perspective if I wanted to get back to sunny skies – with the occasional cloud cover.
I went back to my old days of anger, grief, victimization and hopeless, for a brief moment, to remind myself how I had not only survived but thrived in the new world I created.
I was determined to create a plan that I could look at the next time I started down this road again, because let’s be honest, life will never be sunny 100% of the time. There will be days with a little bit of cloud cover for brief moments, or you may have days of torrential down pours. No matter the weather I wanted to be ready.
6 steps to get out of a rut
- Recognize the issue (s)
First recognize that there is an issue, yes sounds trite but rings true.
As I mentioned, I was feeling depressed, low on energy, did not feel interested in anything and my body was feeling bloated and lethargic.
- Get back to basics
Once I admitted there was a problem I knew I had to get back to the basics of what had been keeping me in my high energy and driven state. I needed to compare what I was currently doing to what I should have been doing.
When comparing it’s pretty obvious I had fallen of the wagon of my healing process. I wasn’t meditating, doing identity work, speaking kindly to myself with words of encouragement and love. I had started having one too many snacks due to the holidays just getting over and I was allowing fear and insecurities to creep back in.
- What’s missing & where is my joy
Thankfully after years of being on my healing process I was able to see the missing pieces pretty quickly – once I had decided to look.
Now that I knew what was missing, I had to implement all those small steps back into my daily practice. Not only did I need to start these steps again, I need to remind myself why I had done these in the first place.
Looking at my why’s showed me that I felt healthier, happier and more joyful when I was taking care of my mental and physical health. When I feel healthy, I feel energized and determined to go after the things that bring me joy. I had to stop letting the fears and anxieties tell me it was ok to sit in my comfortable dark hole where no happiness or growth would happen.
- Spring is in the belly
For me, my unhealthy mind shows up in my belly. That should have been my first indication that I was off my path when I felt the old swelling in my stomach. At first, I tried to write it off as the extra snacks I was having, which in truth didn’t help but it usually doesn’t showcase so prominently for so long.
Once I noticed I had a stress belly, the red flag started waving. I put all the little pieces together, knowing that emotional turmoil I had been in was showing up in my body to tell me there was a problem.
Like most things in life, I knew I could solve the problem with nervous system regulation and a healthy lifestyle adjustment.
- Life & Self appreciation
I retraced my steps from years ago when I was very overweight, acne prone and in constant pain, to again remind myself what I had done to start the healing process.
I had to start a gratitude and appreciate rant for…everything! I’d wake up and tell my body how amazing it was. I’d tell myself how grateful I was to wake up, workout, my morning coffee, my bowel movements, my vehicle, job, home, dogs, clothes, blankets, food…everything. I had to shower myself in so much gratitude that I had no choice but float above the waves.
- Listen and allow my body to tell me what she needs
As soon as I cleared the negativity clouding my world, I took a moment to sit still and listen to my body. I asked her what she needed to heal.
She told me she needed peace, rest, love and acceptance. I had been beating myself up for a while, living in fear and anxiety that I wasn’t doing enough or being the person I thought other people wanted me to be. I was living in overwhelm which showed up as anxiety and bouts of anger at things that normally wouldn’t phase me. Because I was so upset with myself I didn’t’ show myself love with proper food, exercise and healthy mental stimulation.
I took all these steps to heart, once again, making baby steps of progress. The whole time I spoke words of encouragement to myself, no matter how small the moment felt I told myself how grateful I was for it.
The moments started to add up into a massive treasure trove. I stopped having to remind myself to see the good in myself and life, I just did because my life is amazing and I am pretty awesome.
Doing the work allowed my intimate night at home to be so much richer than it ever could have been if I hadn’t seen the truth in front of me.
My life is full of love, joy, abundance and peace – it’s the life I’m focusing on; it’s the life I am receiving.