Struggle of a young marriage

Episode 1

“Everyone in your life has an opinion and they will constantly try to persuade you to their side.  When it comes to marriage everyone and their damn dog will give you the secret to a long and happy marriage while whispering to their best friend, “there is no way those two will ever last”.  Whether you start out with a strong, healthy relationship or maybe jumped into saying “I do”, before you were ready, learn to tell all those Karen’s to mind their own damn business! “

I feel like we have heard it all! When you marry at a young age it comes with the territory.  The struggle is, those whispers, they never seem to go away.  The outside world is waiting for that one moment …the moment when you fail. The moment when your foot slips on the top step and you slide on your ass all the way down. You lay at the bottom in utter humiliation, staring at the ceiling wondering if anything is broken.  The lucky ones jump back up before anyone catches that moment of shame. Some need a moment to rally but eventually stand up with impressive new bruising.  The unfortune ones stay at the bottom, bent and broken. Many will call for help, while others can’t summon the courage to speak. 

Will you get back up?

Are you courageous enough to ask for help?

Can you ignore all the naysayers who told you not to wear socks and to watch your step when you go down the stairs? 

If you can’t do any of that you will continue to struggle, inevitably the good times won’t last.  

Let’s look at what 5 key pillars you will need to navigate all those missteps and have a solid relationship.

1. Who is your support?

Have you looked at your support circle? Who does it include? Now, look closely.  Are the people closest to you supporting the decisions that are best for you? Some friends or family can come off as supportive but have ulterior motives that best suit their interests.  Be careful who is influencing your thoughts and feelings.  You will have to make the conscious effort to vet the people that come into your life.  The number one person that needs you, is you.  Only once you have that clear can you be the best partner to your significant other.  Don’t let others influence you for their own desires. 

• Strong communication

Your partner isn’t telepathic. If you don’t speak your mind how are they going to know when there is something wrong, or even when they have done something right.  The key is to speak in a way that is constructive, NOT destructive.  There is speaking your mind and then there is yelling all your frustrations at your partner while you demoralize them in the process. DON’T do that! In most cases if the conversation turns sour, one or both partners, will speak out in anger, stop listening, shut down, or get violent.  When speaking to that special person in your life, take the time to really listen to what is being said, remove your ego while being open to the conversation, speak in a calm and understanding tone and remember…you are a team.  Always work towards a better you while creating a better us.

• Desire to work together

Every person needs to be selfish to an extent. YOU are the most important person to YOU. Creating a happy, healthy environment in yourself is only going to benefit the US you are trying to create.  Once you get yourself on the right track, then you and your partner can work on a stronger relationship.  However, it won’t work with just one person. In order to create a team you need your co-captain! They are your biggest supporter and vice versa.  Like they say, TEAM work makes the dream work!

• Understanding struggle will happen

Hate to break it to you, but life is full of struggle.  It’s been a part of life forever and it’s not going away any time soon. The true test of humans is to embrace struggle, not run away from it.  Struggle teaches an individual the true strength of their heart and mind.  As a couple, struggle will bring you together or rip you apart. Will you lean on each other in your time of need and grow? Or will you allow outside sources to break you apart into fragments of what never was? How you respond is your choice. 

• Intimacy with your partner

Having a dry spell? Ever notice when that happens how every little thing annoys the fuck out of you? Those days are when your shirt catches on the doorknob or you get out of bed and step on the dog.  Most days you can let it slide, after a few choice words, if you are sexually frustrated you may rip the handle off the door.  Before you go Hulk on inanimate objects maybe you should try having an orgasm. Just a thought.  Orgasms are just one type of intimacy that are crucial to a healthy relationship.  Other forms are hand holding, cuddling, talking about important topics and all around being a good friend to your partner. Each couple has their preferred ways of being intimate. Find what each of you crave and try to give it to the other as often as possible.  Your life will be a lot less…grrrr if you do.

Understand that these 5 key pillars are only effective if you are willing to work as a team.  

Wear earmuffs daily to muffle the outside world  

AND PUT IN THE WORK. 

Marriage is constant work, constant evolving and constant growth.  If you can push through the seemingly never ending struggle you will be one of those couples that tell those Karen’s to shove it up their ass! 

Be the ones who last.